I woke up this morning thinking, “What the f*&K am I doing in Texas?” then it came to me, ahhhh relaxing, and checking out a part of the country I’ve never seen before….looking for ghosts, eating too much, sleeping late, drinking white chocolate mochas every hour on the hour, and running without having to wear 20lbs of clothing
Excuse me miss, your ass is eating your pants.
Isn’t this a no brainer?
They also sell budweiser with clamato…you know, clam juice and no, I aint trying it. The weather here is not cooperating, although it is good for the morning run, foggy, humid and gross. We went to an open market place yesterday afternoon and I have to say I really enjoyed it plus you can drink out in the open…..That simply adds more joy to the shopping experience
This afternoon are some galleries, a brew pub and possibly a candlelight wine bar for dinner. There is something else that I noticed around here, alot of military personal, yes I know there are a few bases in the area, and even at the airport coming down I noticed very young men and women in uniform, getting ready to go off and die. There was one kid on his way to boot camp that I wanted to give plane fair to Canada to..but he was sure about what he wanted to do and I’m sure the government gave him a $500 signing bonus…what a deal…but ofcourse if he loses a limb in Iraq ( lets be honest thats where he’s headed) and gets discharged the government will ask for that money back. But down here anyone in uniform gets a 50% discount on there meals, so I better keep my anti military mouth in check ooorah, my daddy was a marine!
Anyway I am off to discover some more stuff, more fat people, more drunk people oh thats me….
Lets cut to the chase, I learned several things about Texas on this one afternoon that I’ve been here….everyone smokes, and everyone smokes everywhere…smoking is allowed in church, it aint right…tan and leathery people abound….there are TB clinics inside the offices of Foot doctors (multi-tasking from hell?). And as we walked downtown we noticed the crosswalk signs only lasted for 4 seconds and the incoming traffic was not halted….which pretty much means your darting across 4 lanes of traffic…drivers that are not USED to seeing pedestrians…you see..people don’t walk in Texas…they waddle….they waddle from Sonic to Burger King form bus stop to trolley, yep they grow ‘em big in Texas.
Our hosts are lovely..we’re staying in an old Victorian inn, with a small set of issues…the owners just took over a few months ago, the website offered photos of the place when it was in tip top shape…I guess this was quite some time ago. But more on that later, I am too tired we’ve been traveling since 3 am…enjoy some Hole..easy
Something shifts in time when I am close to vacation. Theres a cosmic burp and everything becomes due the day before I am set to leave. Too bad I am fairly uninterested in working, much less rushing-infact if I milk my jobs any harder I may get cited for animal cruelty. But I will finish everything out of habit.
I’ve been slacking off at the gym a bit, just doing cardio and not too much lifting….this is the curse of the pear martini. I would be more then happy to stay at the gym for 2 hours or so, completely exhaust myself go home, shower and sleep (yes the sun is usually still up)…but then the temptation starts to whisper in my ear….”you know you want a pear martini…it’s right on the way home, hell the bartender even knows how you like them now…go…..drink” It’s a siren call I am unwilling to fight, so for awhile I will heed the call of the pear martini…
Boyfriend of Woman on Toilet Arrested
1 hour ago
NESS CITY, Kan. (AP) — A man whose girlfriend sat on a toilet for so long that the seat adhered to her body has been arrested in a separate case. Authorities say Kory McFarren was arrested Sunday for alleged lewd and lascivious behavior.
He allegedly exposed himself to a neighbor’s teenage daughter and her friends. He spent the night in jail before posting bond.
No charges had been filed by Thursday. The 36-year-old McFarren could not be reached for comment.
He was charged last week with a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult. That was after his girlfriend was found stuck to the toilet in late February.
Could anything be more insulting?!!!! Not only does your dipshit ‘boyfriend’ leave you on the toilet for two years, now he’s showing willie to the teenage chillerin, ahh it doesn’t matter, she sat atop her own mount poopie for two years…you know what I wonder…if that toilet is a superfund site…I don’t give a shit it’s vacation time and I am off to the airport tomorow at 4 in the morning..enjoy some Madge…talk to you from some place in the US
A 2-year-old boy who died with a fractured skull may have been accidentally crushed by a morbidly obese relative, authorities say.Investigators believe the woman fell on the child, who was pronounced dead Tuesday, said Bobby Contreras, Hidalgo County justice of the peace.
“It didn’t look like there was any foul play from what I saw,” he said.
An autopsy was scheduled, with the cause of death to be released Monday.
Hidalgo County Sheriff Lupe Trevino, who called the death “suspicious,” said he would wait for an announcement on the cause before deciding whether to file charges.
The child was believed to have been dropped off by his mother to spend the day with the bedridden relative, The McAllen Monitor reported Friday.
Any place in this building that does not have a continuous flow of fresh air has the potential to be a death trap. Theres a person who works here that has the power to poison at will…we call this person “The drive by shitter.” You know, it’s one thing to let a fart bubble go and try to run around making it spread in all directions, but the drive by shitter…..he don’t, and we figure it MUST be a man, no woman craps her pants like that…no woman….anyway the drive by shitter dumps this cloud from out of his rectum and engulfs entire work areas! Thick, wet and toxic, these clouds are the aurora borealis of methane…they are legend….I’ve been subjected to the intestinal assault, when it happens to other people, it’s funny, but when it’s you….gross, I’ve lost clumps of hair after some attacks. We’ve tried to figure out who it is, but his identity remains a mystery. It happened today, while I was running around trying to look like I was doing something, I turned a corner and was hit. Like a slap in the face with a soiled pair of skivies, I stumbled backwards fanning the air in front of me, ofcourse someone was coming from the other direction and when they passed through the cloud looked at me with disgust, “Not I. Theres nothing rotting inside MY colon.” We both went our seperate directions each person soiled by the incident. The drive by shitter…strikes again
All that being said, I have to last 3 more days until vacation. PULEASE let it go quickly. Well Easter was a bust, Jesus didn’t come back…AGAIN….he never shows…..
What says happy Easter better then a Stone Temple Pilots video? It’s hard to believe that Scott Wyland was usually on heroin when in the band…couldn’t tell it from the video I bet.
I’m not used to eating big meals, I went over my friends moms house for easter dinner which started with salad then there was ham, potatoes, squash, carrots, peas, rolls with tons of butter, then for desert ice cream….it’s 5:30 in the afternoon and I’m ready for bed…..Easter must be a big holiday around here because everything is closed, I didn’t think it was such an important holiday, unless Jesus IS coming back…then I’m up shits creek, if Jesus shows up tell him I’m out of town for a few days.
I have to go outside and get some exercise then I’m going to crash with a glass of wine and hopefully the movie Saw4…delicious.
He cried small, leathery vampire tears-no one saw but me and I promised not to say anything, so I thought I would post it on the internet (please see previous post about what an callous human I am).
How does one make a vampire cry? Well, my boss did it by constantly demeaning the vampires work, yell at him for off the wall things like cleaning his coffin when he should be lording over his minions of the undead- in other words f*%k with his head-then the vampire cries. When I passed by and saw the tragedy I felt a twinge of something unfamiliar….sympathy?!!!! Nahhhh, possibly a gas bubble from yogurt one day past it’s “best to eat by ” date, anyway I approached Nosferatu, “whats wrong?” I asked not really caring. He vented a little of his frustrations about work, I listened and nodded, thinking about what to have for dinner. In the end I told him I wold help him, in the end somehow I’ll get screwed, but I can’t stand to watch Bram Stokers creation suffer so.
This morning I am off to work, my favorite. I’ve been enjoying my past few Saturday mornings off…but I need the cash, as always. Next Friday I am off for a few days and no ones giving away pear martinis or, if they were I’d move. Which reminds me, pear martinis are not top shelf pear vodka and a glass…I tried a small sip of the pear vodka and it tasted like vodka should, rubbing alcohol….so I asked 2 bartenders how they make the pear martini, one uses pear vodka, triple sec and pear schnapps or pear liquor, the other uses pear vodka and dry vermouth (which sounds kind of gross to me). But vodka straight, even the good stuff…gross, although I do like Bombay Sapphire straight…alright enough talk about boozing it up at 5:43am. I need some music…love this song by Madge, well, pretty much I love any song by Madge…I hate work!
Today is St Patricks Day…it’s also something called Evacuation Day in Boston -bowel evacuation? I think not-. I’m too uninterested to find out the meaning behind this oddly named local holiday, anyway I don’t get it off, so really what the hell do I care…but I do get something off called Patriots Day-it’s usually the date of the Boston marathon & opening day at Fenway…I need no more reason to celebrate…paid holiday..yippie…
I love Floriturd it has the most interesting collection of our species…
Police: Ex-Boyfriend Shot Woman In Vagina
Shooting May Have Been Over Drug Dispute
POSTED: 7:50 am EDT March 11, 2008
PALMETTO BAY, Fla. — Police said a woman was shot in the vagina at her Palmetto Bay home Monday night.
According to Miami-Dade police spokeswoman Nelda Fonticiella, the victim’s boyfriend called police and said an ex-boyfriend shot her in the vagina.
Police said the shooting was the result of a domestic dispute, possibly over drugs. Police said several drugs were found in the home at 19805 SW 114th Ave.
I wonder if they will ever release the 911 call for that shooting…we can only keep our fingers crossed…..
This used to be an animal, if people had to kill there dinner, most of the world would be vegetarian…I know I would. I had this discussion with a friend of mine yesterday, she had to put down her cat, the cat was old and sick and simply wasting away. Although she’s broken hearted she believes she did the right thing for the animal…kill it….I’m no better, I made that same decision myself, to put down one of my goldens, she was very sick, very old, the vet told me there was nothing more they could do for her. So they killed her for me, I hate that I made that decision, I don’t believe I have the right to kill an animal simply because I believe I’m doing it a favor…when did I become all knowing in what animals think and feel? I won’t ever have another pet again because I refuse to put myself in that situation again, I won’t make a decison to kill something…but then one could argue that I make that decision every time I order a corpse for dinner, or buy a prepackaged dead thing….I don’t do it very often but the point remains I contribute to the industry that kills things for me. Can’t wait for soylent green…funny, I don’t think I’d have a problem killing my dinner then…it goes back to my animals are better then people belief, it slips out every now and then…alright I’m fairly vocal about it…I’m sure I’ll blah, blah, blah about it soon enough, but not today, well not anymore.
Today was leg day at the gym, and it was delicious, a little tough due to the fact i skipped a leg day last week (snot filled lungs)…I’m looking forward to tomorrows run, no gym, just miles. Theres excitement in the air…I’m buying new running shoes, yes this is excitement for me, you should see me when I get a copy of the Economist for free..yeeehaa…let the good times roll.
So, I’ve fallen so completely in love with pear martinis that I decided to get the mixings for the house , so I can enjoy them morning, noon and night (trust me I would if I could) so I went down to the local liquor store and bought some Grey Goose pear vodka, after much research, I discovered thats all I need for a pear martini…high end flavored vodka and a glass…so I’ve graduated to drinking vodka straight…ugh, it just doesn’t sound healthy…..nor is eating a wheel of brie for lunch but that hasn’t stopped me yet. But my $40 bottle of vodka sits in the freezer waiting it’s opening…
So, bronchitis is gone, I still have some residual funk…but I’m back to working out and to running. Infact I’m feeling so much better that the other night I had a pear martini…alright I had two pear martinis, delicious they taste like summer, not overly sweet, just right.
I’m trying not to bring my job home with me, not the physical work itself but the assorted BS that IS where I work. When I was interviewing for the job I told the owner I don’t do drama, I want to come into work, do the best job I can, get paid fairly for what I do and go home, that is exactly what I told him. I was working 2 jobs at the time and didn’t need this one, I was just taking a shot, but I got the job…and it’s been nothing but drama, the place creates it’s own drama, it thrives on it…..newest drama, theres an unwanted pregnancy, a minority girlfriend, too many drugs, someones inheritance…I should have 3 pear maritinis…I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that the unwanted pregnant minority girlfriend disappeared like so many Argentinians oh so long ago. The problem is that I look like I care, I mastered this convincing appearance, I look concerned, sincere, attentive but I’m usually thinking about food….so people feel free to drop there drama at my doorstep knowing they will get, what appears to be, a sympathtic ear. I’m not completely heartless though…I should be able to throw in a qualifier here, ok so maybe I am completely heartless but I have good taste in shoes.
It’s going to be a rainy, stormy weekend here…fabulous, I will resist my urge to run in the rain, I would LOVE to get out there and be part of the weather, but I want to get rid of whats left of this damn cold, better to spread my germs in the gym……but then again we are all drinking antibiotics and other assorted meds that are put into our public water supply…so we’re all safe, happy now.
