So after bitching and moaning about not getting tickets to any of the VIP shows…I got tickets..I’m going to see the True Colors tour tonight…one could say that I have a magic element in my phlegm, that once I hocked a loogie into his cawfee, he gave in to my will….I am the Merlin of snot.
Anyway,work was tragic this Saturday, par usual. I met this strange guy today, he bought some saddlebags for his motorcycle off a friend of mine…anyway, he was really odd and started this off the wall but very interesting conversation with me about the universe, the ego of the human race and all sorts of things. He was interesting, a little creepy, but interesting, what was creepy about him is his laugh, he has this small giggle, it’s sounds perverse…and he would giggle everytime he made a point. And he had weird teeth, I have this dental thing, no not a snobbery, but his teeth were too big for his head, and almost rounded at the edges, plus the final weird thing were his eyes, he had sunglasses on and pulled them down once when we first met, his eyes were bright blue, they looked like contacts. Why do I always look for the weird things about people….he also talked about being aware and open to the truth without the influence of a world trying to condition your thinking…I need a drink…hey VIP tickets…BAR SERVICE and free snacks..oh off on a tangent, anyway he was odd and we spoke for over an hour…this does not mean I want the man to know where I live, he’s probably a vampire too.
Speaking of weird shit, you know I live in a haunted house…last night I woke up to a loug banging from the cellar around 3am..my first thought being “I aint going down there it’s the cellar, it’s 3am and this house got creepy shit happening in it.” I was hoping someone else would go downstairs first…I waited for a few minutes just to make sure I didn’t dream it, then it happened again so I went downstairs (after making alot of noise to see if anyone wanted to join me…I was alone). I thought it was the furnace but was told that the furnace was off, the water heater is new and no one was doing laundry at 3am, so being I was down there I decided to have a beer…yes I know its 3am and I had to go to work in another 2 hours….but if there was a killer down there at least the beer would take the edge off of being hacked to pieces by a serial killer.
I have to get ready for the show, lets watch some Cyndi Lauper
Book offers fascinating tales of modern-day cannibalism
By MALCOLM RITTER, Associated Press Writer
(5-27) 06:37 PDT , (AP) –
“Among the Cannibals: Adventures on the Trail of Man’s Darkest Ritual” (Smithsonian Books, 278 pages. $25.95), by Paul Raffaele: You know the standard image about cannibalism: A white Christian missionary stews in a large pot while an African tribe dances around him, planning to make him their next meaI.
I can think of a few people I would like to kill, but to eat them?…I’d have to say that list is very small, even with alot of cheese and butter…and salt too. What do humans taste like, and what is the consistency of human meat? I think the skin woiuld be pretty tasty deep fried, but then again isn’t everything? I used to have a snobbery about deep friend things, you know that whole southern..stick it in a fryer kind of mentality..that was before I had a deep friend turkey one Thanksgiving..delicious, you could stick road kill in a deep fryer and I would throw some tarter sauce on it and smack my greasy lips…
Enough of that…this weekend was Memorial Day, a three day weekend, I was very happy and at times very intoxicated…not in a good way either. I did get a new tattoo, thank you Captain Brett, I will post a link to his site, you should check out his work, I was supposed to post a photo of the tattoo, not yet, I have to get a decent photo. I love tattoos, that was my 5th and no I am not finished yet, I have a small one on my shoulder that needs to be added to, and then I’ll find something else that I like and will have to get that. I will tell you the story of all of my tattoos with photos
For now, lets watch some Steely Dan, you know some fucktard in my office gets VIP seats to all of these shows and won’t give me Steely Dan Tickets…I shot a snot wad in his cawfee the other morning
From 13 feet up, Josh Thompson saw the man coming, jogging, actually — and then, suddenly, breaking into a sprint.
By the time the man dove arm-first into the massive tree chipper — meant to grind 21-inch-diameter trunks in a matter of seconds — Thompson had leapt to the ground. Frantically, he yanked on a safety lever, shutting the machine down.
But it was bad: The man — who had been wandering uncomfortably close to the industrial-grade tree chipper for about 15 to 20 minutes — had his arm and shoulder pulled into the teeth of the machine.
Heavy, block-shaped teeth — meant to grip and pull, rather than grind — were closing upon the man’s head with 13,000 pounds of pressure. His hand may have reached the spinning grinders 3 feet inside.
But he was alive.
Impressive, very impressive. It amazes me how some people choose to off themselves, so painful and terribly gory, like the guy who chopped his own head off with a chainsaw, this is profound and makes me wonder what other point the person is trying to make by being so gruesome. When I lived in CT there was a story about a guy who killed his girlfriend and wood chipped her, they found fingers and stuff hanging in the trees surrounding his property, he was just trying to get rid of the body, but the suicide by wood chipper…very different story. If I was to off myself I would choose some kind of sedation, can a person kill themselves using imported beer and swiss cheese?
Are you spending your $600? Can’t wait to see the economy start BOOMING over that $600…George Bush is as charming as a crotch pimple, but this is something we all know.
Gay marriage is allowed in an ENTIRE 2 states, what next equal civil rights for EVERYONE…crazy times these are…
I was thinking about my unfortunate pizza/liquid poopie incident, but really calling it liquid poopie does not describe it truly..my ass was like a sandblaster, highly pressurized and very dangerous. And what have I learned….introducing grease into a granola environment….not a good idea
And just becuase they’re so damn cute…introducing the perfect human companion…the golden
Ok, so I should explain why Katie Couric is a twat, but isn’t it self explanatory, her fake compassion and nauseating attempt at being 23 is enough for me…and I don’t even watch the evening news.
The Celtics won, the Red Sox won, this weekend is a three day event and I am going to Cape Cod next month to enjoy the wonder that is Provincetown. Everything is looking good so far this monday
Well my week was a colossal shit sammie…work sucked, my workouts were non existent, and once again it is Saturday and I am up getting ready to go back into the hole. Enough bitching, Nosferatu got fired yesterday, I knew it was coming, the owner told me he hired someone new the other morning. That’sthe second time he’s told me he was going to fire someone before he did it, I always wonder if I would want someone to tell me if I was about to be fired. The idea of ‘the new guy’ is a little scary to me, the guy who hires people has been doing a pretty sad job lately and we are all collectively holding our breath to see what lumbers through the door next week.
It’s raining out, would have been perfect for running this morning, alas shit sammie…
I heard this song while at the gym, yes I did manage to go a few times this week but A FEW TIMES IS NOT ENOUGH, anyway heard this song and was reminded about how awful it was
So she has sex with some strange man because she wants a baby but the man shes in love with is shooting blanks…and why wasn’t ann wilson the one in the video? Is it too horrible for someone to have anonymous sex with a farm animal?
You see, this is what happens when I don’t get to the gym enough, I get snippy. I have to run, but have so much to post about like these topics
Bowel shattering pizza
Katie Couric is a c*nt
tax rebates screw people with no money
dreams about stabbing my dead brother with a fork over ice cream cake
Kids, mom lived with 90-year-old’s corpse for weeks in Wis.
Friday, May 9, 2008
(05-09) 22:00 PDT Madison, Wis. (AP) –
Two children and their mother lived for about two months with the decaying body of a 90-year-old woman on the toilet of their home’s only bathroom, on the advice of a religious “superior” who claimed the corpse would come back to life, authorities said Friday.
The children — a 15-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy — cried hysterically Wednesday after a deputy who came to their Necedah home looking for Magdeline Alvina Middlesworth ordered them out because of the stench from her body.
Whats worse, being so old that you just die while pooping, or being so stupid that you think a rotting corpse is going to come back to life…I choose the stupid, you can’t change dead..obviously.
I had to go into work today, it seems our pathological liar didn’t make it in for the past two days, which put us a bit behind schedule…so, we were coming up with different scenarios as to why she could not make it in (remember this is the woman who wove the tale of being late one morning because her uncle died in angola from bird flu)my thoughts were either
A) abducted by aliens
B)taken hostage by Afgan warlords, becoming a sex slave willingly “Come on boys, three holes, no waiting!” She breaks free though due to McGuyver use of duct tape, chewing gum and a paper clip, thank heavens shes back on Monday…burp.
It seems that skidmark Barack Obama is kicking Hillary Clintons ass, too bad, I can’t stand Bareback, not that I’m a big fan of Hillary but he just irritates me. Hillary, at least, makes no bones about the fact shes a slimey politician, pantsuit , sensible shoes and all. Bareback is very reminiscent of our very own governor of Snatchacustetts, Duval Patrick…Patirck made alot of rah, rah, speeches that really didn’t have much content, but we all cheered, he ran on this vomit spewing message “together we can” it made everyone moist…anyway we voted him in ( I voted for Kerry Healy)….after we voted him in we all waited for these important earth shattering and fiscally explosive changes…he didn’t disappoint, he bought a new Cadillac and some million dollar draperies for his new office…great, as my father would say “You idiots in Mass keep voting Kennedy in, you get what you deserve” amen pop. So, I can either vote for the shit smeared nickel, Barack, or the slightly confused (early onset of dementia) MaCain….can I vote for Hugo Chavez, I think I will.
Gross, soon she’ll need a hoverround…appropriate for cattle.
MOORESTOWN (CBS 3) ― More charges have been filed against a Burlington County police officer who was recently charged with sexually assaulting three girls.
Authorities announced Moorestown Officer Robert Melia Jr., 38, has been charged with four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006.
Melia and his former girlfriend, Heather Lewis were previously charged with three counts of aggravated sexual assault and one count of criminal sexual contact with three girls in his Pemberton home from 2003 until 2006.
Melia is being held on $510,000 bail.
Yeah cows are hot, I wonder if this is the guy ( like there would be alot of men who would do this) who stuck his peepee in the cows mouth….you know, being so desperate that you haver to get oral sex from a bovine speaks volumes, there are literally thousands of skanky women that would blow this guy, and almost none of them chew cud…theres another thing WHY would you stick your dick in the mouth of a CHEWING machine? Euthanize this person and save us all the tragic, although deliciously f*cked up, details.
These are exciting times, springtime is here, my dandelion covered lawn awaits grub control, we have new neighbors, Memorial Day is only 21 days away and Cher has not broken a hip on her new world tour or should I say FINAL Farewell tour…you go girl, isn’t she like 100 years old…..perhaps she should get together with Madonna and tour, Hoverround could sponsor the tour, or centrum silver…imagine the lines for the bathroom at that concert “oh that constant having to go feeling”
I think I mentioned that we live in a haunted house, it’s a pain in the ass. Anyway, I thought it would be haunted by the woman that used to live here, but I keep dreaming about this little blonde haired boy around 5 or 6, and I haven’t been the only one living here who dreamt about this kid. Well last night I had a dream about him again in it he told me that his name was Danny, and I was looking out my bedroom window towards the backyard, he was standing on the edge of the property in what looked like a cement enclosure and he was pointing down. No, I didn’t go out this morning and start digging, as mentioned in other posts I am a self proclaimed pussy, just thought I’d mention Danny just incase he comes by for another visit, and if so I am taking the Lunestra plunge…sweet, dreamless sleep, yeah it’s not like Freddie Kruger, it’s still creepy
I love this song, especially Left Eye Lopez and her rap at the end…to bad she fell off a cliff in Honduras
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