Have you noticed the world is teeming with ass monkeys and f*%ktards? I appear to be a magnet for them, case in point…
Nosferatu came to visit me today
“Hi!” I tried to act happy and suprised instead of annoyed “Good to see you” I lied “Hows life treating you?” I didn’t care
he shook his head, he shakes anyway…a constant trembling that reminds me of an unevenly loaded washing machine on a spin cycle.
“Not bad, I’m having a tough time finding a job though”
Ofcourse you are, no one except this company employs the undead, there are multiple problems with hiring vampires
1-they turn to dust in sunlight (bad for production)
2-there breath stinks of rot, blood, and meat (bad for customer service)
3-there eyes are red rimmed and watery (again bad for any CSR)
4-you exsanguate your coworkers ( legions of the undead are bad for company morale)
“I was wondering if you could do me a favor?” he asked
“I’m sorry that deaprtment is closed for renovation” I said, remembering the last time I help Vlad the Impaler, it was a catastrophe…so I was a little leery of helping him now.
“could you be a reference for me?” Nosferatu asked slightly shifting away from a beam of light that carelessly came through the window.
“Sure, how much money do you have?”
“favors don’t usually cost money.”
“Thats why I don’t do them.” This is the problem I have with Nosferatu, no one expects him to be in need of favors, yet here he is asking me for a reference…I paused and looked into his eyes, not afraid that I would quickly become entranced, but wanting to see if I could locate any trace of intellect behind his flat, grey eyes….I could not…dilema, do I attach my name to Vlad in his weakened state…or do I let him wander without any help?
Ofcourse I am a reference for Nosferatu, like I said before I hate the idea of Bram Stokers creation suffering in any way, I even suggested some places that may be looking for a creature of the night. I suggested to him, before he left that he may want to feed “get a little color back in your cheeks, you look like death” he stretched his paper thin lips into kind of looked like a smile and thanked me. Have you ever gotten a sinking feeling, like you’ve done something really dumb, that eventually this thing you did is going to come back to haunt you, kick you in the arse…this is how I feel, I will get a phone call about Nosferatu, I will read a news story about him, but it will be something like this…
Argument spurs worker to kill 5, himself
HENDERSON, Ky. — A man who worked at a Henderson plastics company called his girlfriend from the plant about two hours before he fatally shot five people and then killed himself and told her that he was going to kill his supervisor, police officials said at a news conference on Wednesday.
This is a great song, and I love INXS, but killing yourself from masturbation is just not a good way to go
