During the hours of four and seven pm last night I abused you and I am sorry…oh so sorry. I stuffed you with popcorn and beer instead of the yummy nutrients that you crave…I am a bad owner, I have fouled you. I promise not to do it again, oh sure I’ll still foul you on the weekends but not on a school night. Monday through Thursday I promise to take good care of you, bathe you, feed you, water you (with h2o), exercise you and get you the rest you need….friday, saturday, sunday are still up in the air at this point (baby steps body, baby steps)
Feel Better Soon
BRAIN
the body responds
Dear Brain
F*#K YOU
So this begs the question, who is in control of this aging collection of cells and assorted chemical goo…the brain or the body….I dunno…seems like the body to me, because when the body is unwilling, no amount of brain power can get it to go…but, like I said…I dunno
I’ve started speaking some german at work, it’s met with kine enthusiasm (none)
“Hey” someone said as a good morning
“guten tag” I replied
“wha?” he said coming back
“Guten tag..its good day in german”
“ok…you are one strange agent” he said walking away
“Yah” I said in my best german accent “fuckencie you”
Wait till I start learning vietnamese. Actually two guys I work with go to Germany quite a bit, one is married to a woman from germany and the other has friends there, not that either one is fluent in the language, but they tell me about the different places they’ve visited and the culture..it’s interesting..learning is such fun. Later I am headed to the library to take out a german language book AND to return my very late library book..I am terrible about such things…I better bring the checkbook for this fine or, someones first born.
Today is Friday and I don’t believe Im working tomorrow….pro-time to sleep and relax…con-NO OVERTIME
I have to go to work
haben ein gutes Wochenende…have a good weekend and some music as well..I love the guitar solo in this song, the video is poopie, the mooleys and fabulous
Alright, so it is well known that I have food issues…HELLO I am a lesbian, OFCOURSE I have food issues! I thought I would give you a small sample of some of the food things that get a strong reaction from me
1) soft buddah..gross the idea of having warm, salty, greasy butter underneath a fingernail can send me into a panic
2)the orange powdery flavor cheese <?> stuff on cheese puffs…I eat cheetos with a fork
3)mysterious meat compilations…hot dawgs, bologna, head cheese
Theres a small sample…
It’s only Wednesday…and its snowing again, hopefully to change over to rain later on, which will then freeze tomorrow morning making for an adventuresome commute!
Good news…Presidents day is a 3 day weekend for us, and thats in less then T-Minus twenty something days…good and bad, I just paid the bill for the timeshare…funds drain…but good, ofcourse 3 days off. Yes, I have a daily countdown on my calendar at work. Things are uninteresting lately…my workouts have been good though…time for work
Saturday was spent in Newport, Rhode Island…it was a bit breezy, infact the tops of the waves were being swept right off of the water…it was lovely, but not so comfortable….we opted out of the cliff walk and attempted to do some shopping…attempt SUCCESSFUL!!!! Shopping tip, go to summer towns during the icy cold winter months for fabulous deals on everything!!!! After successful shopping there is always the Brick Alley Pub…
we were in the room right under the fire engine, the upstairs bar area…I had a delicious Stoli raspberry and soda to warm my female cockles…then switched to a frosty beer when the rhode island red chicken wings arrived, these are the best chicken wings I’ve ever sampled, cooked to perfection, (no weird blubbery skin things hanging off) just the right amount of spice without being too much as to ruin the flavor…a bucket of bleu cheese for me to sip on, and fresh, crunchy celery sticks…fabulous! As we were paying the tab, I had to know, not being one to order mixed drinks out alot I wanted to know what my stoli and soda cost…. seven f*%king dollers…”yep” smiled my companion “thats 3 draft beers at the local hell hole” so at this point it was decided…I was going ghetto…
what do I mean by that….I’m talking regular vodka and raspberry & lime soda…thats ghetto…I can buy a boatload of raspberry and lime soda for $7 and we have regular unflavored vodka at home….I’m going low rent! Especially now that the political stuff is all over, my ot dried up to nada, and that sucks…thank gard for midterm elections!
Saw a new anti abortion commercial the other night….bo is not going to dump Roe V. Wade…stop wasting your money. I know several people who are anti abortion, we agree to disagree…and please not that argument about how if so and so got an abortion we never would have had Bach, or issac newton, or the monkees or hitler, stalin…do you know what a moot point is?
I’ve decided that it’s time for me to learn to speak German, I have no fucking clear idea why, I just think it’s time!
I am excellent at losing my glasses, I have 4 pair and am always looking for at least 2 of them….I think the houseghost takes them and hides them all over the place…and why is it I’m hearing all kinds of weird noises this morning?! Hey casper it’s too early in the morning, come back after I’ve had a few martinis…anywhoo I start with some great news…
The inaugeration went off and nothing bad happened, no one got shot, no one got raped, pillaged, stabbed etc..our part of this fiasco was a complete success. I only caught a quick glimpse of it on the news and dont you know it, ted kennedy had to steal the spotlight from the first black american president (middle name hoossein)…thats all the boston news would talk about the ‘icon’ ted kennedy…ofcourse his passing out came from exhaustion and not a few inaugural scotches Tuesday morning…ugh who would suggest such a thing…hes such a fighter, the news reported, I figure he’s fighting to stay alive because Mary Jo is on the other side waiting for her turn.
Workout report…delicious…I spanked the cardio, and I was a bit suprised by this, today my legs are still a wee bit sore, but once I get moving the discomfort will go away…biceps, not too bad, as you know I have the arms of a chicken, but I was watching what some of the guys were lifting..I lifted heavier, but does that count being there resolutionists? Next is shoulders on Thursday, today is strictly cardio…maybe some abs…
I watched about half of Happy Go Lucky and am enjoying it, it centers around the life of Poppy , a primary school teacher…it has some pretty hysterical moments…not one scene of Kate Winslet naked, but like I said I am only halfway through the movie (you never know)…
It’s only Wednesday, ugh….I slept terribly last night….I haven’t even begun the day and I’m thinking about the long hot shower after the workout and bed…ahhh delicious sleep…that reminds me did you ever see the movie ‘The Cell’ with the assmaster Jeniffer Lopez? It’s not a bad movie, and only people die in it, not animals..heres the trailer for Happy Go Lucky…have a lovely day
Today is Tuesday, January 20th..a very exciting day….it’s bicep day at the gym…Sunday was leg and ab day and I must admit my legs are feeling a bit on the sore side, the hour of cardio should be fun this afternoon! This is part of my plan to become a buff middle aged lesbian, correction a buff middle aged tattooed lesbian…just one or two more and I’ll be done….I’m thinking the next one may be the tree of life…..
I made the mistake of watching Marley & Me this weekend, most of it anyway, I had to leave, I cannot watch sad movies, and pretty much anything with animals being hurt OR DEAD is sad to me and I want to thank my friend for telling me it was that groin rash Jennifer Anniston that dies, ofcourse Im going to want to watch jennifer anniston die! But a doggie, no, so Marley & me joins the ranks of Million Dollar Baby and Brokeback Mountain two movies I was forced to leave. Tonight I’m going to watch Happy Go Lucky being there is absolutely nothing to watch on regular tv. I don’t even know what Happy Go Lucky is about but the actress won a golden globe and the clip that was featured looked as though the movie would be FUN! And btw did you happen to see this at the golden globes
Kate Winslet has fabulous armpits!!! Shes suffering a little uniboob from this dress though, you know that thing that sports bras give you, I no longer have two breasts I have one mound of mamms…enough of that, Kate Winslet is lovely, and she appears to be naked in the film ‘The Reader’ *MENTAL NOTE* must see The Reader!
On that note I will end here and begin at work…we are painfully slow right now, quite a few people left early yesterday, I will not leave early until Friday…
Thats from the poem Daddy and if you don’t know it or know the poet please discover both, they will enrich you.
Ninety Four.
I am focused on that number 94, it’s the number of days until the next legitimate 3 day weekend, Patriots day. I’m thinking I’ll treat myself to a weekend away…dont ask you know where I’m going, Provincetown…no, I never get tired of going there, crowded or empty, winter, summer, spring or fall I will trek to the end of the cape because it makes me happy. I will not, at this point go on and on about Provincetown, I’ll do that at another time…ninety F*CKING four…I can do that..
You know, I hate to be a puss…but it’s damn cold out there…I took the Jeep in to be serviced, and I’m happy to report the heat is fixed! Yesterday I got to drive a Saab…the Saab has heated seats…. I am all about the heated seats, my ass was a toasty 82 degrees…if I ever get a new Jeep Im getting heated seats, and I am sticking with Jeeps, I don’t think I’m a high end car kind of woman, plus you know we lesbians love our suvs, best to carry our softball equipment around in…….no…..Im joking, never softball….So thank you to Costa, the mechanic who took care of my salt covered ride for $371…ouch…I am ready for the next storm..tomorrow…crap…
Last weekend while rummaging around some books I discovered this title ‘Killer Germs…Microbes and diseases that threaten humanity..’ HELLO, how did this delicious title slip by without me scooping it right up?! So now I am hip deep in TB, Ebola, Lassa fever, Marburg and other assorted viruses and germs that can turn your innards into a thick chunky stew that seeps out every orifice….science…whats NOT to love? Speaking of chunky I have to head to the gym, I havent worked out in a few days and I’m feeling rather gross…the thought of being out in that cold…gross..alright now Im being a puss…
Before I go I would like to thank george bush for TANKING THE ECONOMY, you shit smeared failure, thanks for taking money out of my pocket…. so much so that I cannot attend the Boston Wine Festival this year, tres tragic! But thanks george and enjoy your delusional denial, you are the worst president in the history of the united states…so far anyway…may you and your cronies get what you deserve when your out of office…and I hope laura chokes on her 300 thousand dollar china we bought…
I give you the virgin mary in the bathroom tiles…..
You’ll notice shes even gazing up, but is the gaze heavenward or to be kind to the person using the toilet but one foot away…these questions and who killed JFK to be answered at a later date…
I realized something last night as I was helping someone put together a shelf in the basement…I am not a good lesbian, I hate powertools and I am not handy at all…I’m more of the ‘call someone to do that’ lesbian…but owning a home has forced me to become a bit more handy…yeah I said a bit…
Workout report, a little sluggish but still delicious..weather report for New England..gross, a high of 17 today, snow tomorrow, ARTIC BLAST on Friday…..the heat in the Jeep is not working…makes for a chilly ride in
here, have a giggle this is Dawn French who is often paired with Jennifer Saunders aka Edwina Monsoon (my hero) of Ab Fab have a delicious Wedsnesday..btw you have to click on the url because wordpress is working my last nerve this morning…
One day while I was toiling away a fellow coworker came up to me and whispered “do you have an emergency tampon?”….”Whats the emergency?” I asked back, she rolled her eyes “I got stabbed in the vagina and I’m bleeding, yes or no?” Ofcourse I have emergency tampOOns and I do pronounce it tampOOn just because I like to…I reached into my secret feminine hygene stash and grabbed her a tampoon, she took the bullet from me and said “it’s an OB, you use these things, it’s like you have to stick your entire hand up there to get it into place.” I nodded “yeah, thats why I buy them.” Let me tell you, I know how to get rid of people, I think she was afraid I was going to try and help her insert it…no, I don’t do fat girls, not even myself…anyway the emergency tampoon is more a courtesy to other females…you never know when something is going to flop out of your vagina, sure it SHOULD be something you can rely on, but sometimes things just happen and it is simply something you have to be prepared for, not only for yourself but for your fellow women…even if they dont appreciate your brand of tampoon….and I happen to like OBs, no applicator, no mess, no carboard tube to dispose of…plus sometimes you just can’t get that one end of the cardboard tube to slide up….tampoon applicator horror…yes women, we have all been there…and dont even get me started on wearing a freaking canoe between your legs, good christ who thought it would be a good idea to shove a mattress pad in your underpants? Hmmm got a quick story… my mom told me she wouldnt let me wear tampoons because only girls who were not virgins could wear them (please dont get me started on my mother) anyway so this is when Im in high school running track…do you know what happens to a kotex maxi pad when your running…it creeps..it dislodges from its sticky back and begins to creep either up your back, or up the front part of your pants…I ran the mile…so for a mile I was running, and either beating my kotex maxi pad down the front of my shorts or pulling it from the back of my shorts…what a mess…thanks mom..
Great news…everything bo went out perfectly, we got a big pat on the back for that AND another huge order that has to go out asap…I also had a wonderful workout, I started eating the majority of my calories about 2 hours before I work out and it is making a difference, I have alot more energy and drive…
I was looking at the calendar today, the next 3 day weekend is Memorial day…grumble, I dont think I’ll even be able to take an extended weekend before then awww crap. Before i leave I have to mention that today while sitting on the crime scene toilet at work, I looked down at the broken tile floor and I saw an outline of the virgin mary..now I know what your thinking, Im going to being my phone in the bathroom tomorrow and take a photo of it…do you think this is a sign, Mary in the ladies room, I’m going to start and experience stigmata…I need to go have a good Monday evening…I leave you with my favorite annie lenox song (actually eurthymics)
Friday, before the sun came up over the horizon we were at defcon 2…at three am the first truck with inaugural stuff was on it’s way to Washington only to drop off it’s load turn around, come back to mass, get another shipment and drive back down to Washington….it was very crazy…there was bo stuff everywhere, there were mentions of security, body cavity searches and other assorted horrors..I stood back and let the situation unfold infront of me, it would have been more entertaining had I not been involved, but I was….not to a great extent though, I was dealing with other crap when the assignments for bo were being handed out (yes, I planned it that way) …so I got to be only a small part of the more complicated stuffs…..everything had to be out of the building yesterday afternoon, I worked till noon Saturday, I had something really important to do…I had to get my hair done…it’s important, trust me, I was beginning to look like trailer trash, and I really have to get psyched up for the hair appointment, it’s a marathon! At least a 2 hour ordeal, where I get my hair done usually serves drinks..in the summer its margaritas, the spring mimosas the fall mulled cidar, but this time nothing..”wheres the drinks?” I asked Devon, my stylist, “we;re going to start again in the spring.” what kind of shit is that…do you see me, do you not believe that I need a drink at this point in time…I opted for a diet coke and a magazine I really couldnt read because I cannot see without my glasses…ughthank god for creative visualization…I was walking along the dunes in Ptown during a summer storm. devon has a client who INSISTSshe keep her mullet, I ask her about that client everytime I see her “hows the mullet?” Devon rolls her eyes, “you know she really thinks she looks good. She tells me people comment on her hair all the time.” ofcourse they do…”Hey, arent you the one that drinks a shot everytime you see a mullet” good memory Devon, “thats only in Provincetown during womens week, can’t do that really because we would be drunk in under an hour, farrr too many mullets and flannel.
It snowed again last night, another 4 inches…not too bad…our x-file of a town is going to raise our taxes to pay for the snow removal…there are a few openings in town hall do you think I should run, be the female Barney Frank of this freaky little hamlet? Anyway I was remembering how I used to sit outside in the wintertime for hours looking through my telescope…I was thinking about this while I was cursing about the cold. That was one of my favorite gifts, that telescope, I had star charts all over my room, books on astronomy, I think I even took a few courses in college, but I was drunk ahhhh college……I kind of remember it…but anyway I thought the courses on astronomy were kind of dull, plus there was math involved which is a big no no for me….I refuse math, put it in a poem if you want me to embrace it.
I’m thinking about getting tickets to see Ann Coulter speak in Boston in March, I really think shes nuts and fairly fun to listen to..and gard is she scrawny…gain some weight woman…anyway as I was looking online for tickets I started to think maybe its not such a good idea to go see Ann Coulter, I may get shot, people really HATE her…maybe I’ll go see Al Gore instead…
I had a fabo workout after spending too much time at work…my body was very happy…I love this song, enjoy Sunday go GIANTS
and so the tragedy begins…doing stuff for the inaugeration this week, they should have waited a few more days, ITS NOT CLOSE ENOUGH..oh bother, should be interesting and profitable (my favorite). SO I decided to treat the drunk guy like a legitimate part of our team, asking his opinions, talking to him about how he does his job (usually drunk and or hungover) anyway treating him like a human gets him to act like a human, or more so treating him like a competant adult makes him try and behave like one….but these times are not crazy at work, which is a great time to try and ingrain attitude changes..team people, there is money in team!!!
I didnt get to work out yesterday, not too happy about that, but I did my share of shoveling out our slushy driveway getting ready for the deep freeze headed our way. I’ve already been asked for early and late today…so I probably wont work out till Saturday, grumble…sleep will suffer and I will begin to feel like jabba the hut, but this too shall pass.
I see a Carnberry something in my future this evening…believe it or not, I think I’m all beered out,,maybe it’s time for a break with my dear golden carbonated friend…
Chicago is one of my favorite musicals, Im waiting to see it onstage, but the movie is pretty good…have some CZJ this fine morning
